Feedback (Part I)
I just realised, whilst washing some mugs this morning, that one of my main weaknesses has to do with feedback - both in giving and receiving them.
Because of my personality type (an introvert), I tend to ruminate upon things and seldom share my thoughts and feelings about those things unless I am with "good" company.
Thus, with my tendency to mull things over internally - especially negative things - I could either end up very frustrated with how things are or express my disappointment, and anger even, when things come to a head.
Obviously, neither of these options are good in themselves. Well, the only good in them is that they've made me realise that there is a way to avoid such situations; and that is the art of giving (and receiving) feedback.
For those who are familiar with the 7 Habits, the art of giving feedback is nothing new.
It is simply realising that all of us are subjective - that the map is not the terrain - and that whatever others say or do they have their own valid reasons for saying or doing so.
Thus, our feedback ought to be given whilst acknowledging that it is our own subjective perception, and also understanding the other person's reasons for saying or doing whatever it is they have said or done.
In practical terms, we should always begin the feedback with an "I-statement" and not a "you-statement". For example, "I have a concern about..." or "in my opinion..."
In other words, the other person should not be objectified by statements like "you are so incompetent" or "you are so selfish".
When we give feedback from our own perspective whilst acknowledging the other person's reasons or point of view, we are actually acknowledging their humanity and the worth of their reasoning. Thus, we reinforce their respect for what we have to say about the matter at hand.
Even if we said "I disagree with you", it is still better than saying "you are wrong", because the former acknowledges the other person's opinion whilst disagreeing with it, and the latter basically turns the other person into an object that is simply "wrong".
After we realise that there is an art to giving feedback, we must master it. And whilst we are mastering it, we must realise also that there is an art to receiving feedback. This, I will cover in my next blog.
Because of my personality type (an introvert), I tend to ruminate upon things and seldom share my thoughts and feelings about those things unless I am with "good" company.
Thus, with my tendency to mull things over internally - especially negative things - I could either end up very frustrated with how things are or express my disappointment, and anger even, when things come to a head.
Obviously, neither of these options are good in themselves. Well, the only good in them is that they've made me realise that there is a way to avoid such situations; and that is the art of giving (and receiving) feedback.
For those who are familiar with the 7 Habits, the art of giving feedback is nothing new.
It is simply realising that all of us are subjective - that the map is not the terrain - and that whatever others say or do they have their own valid reasons for saying or doing so.
Thus, our feedback ought to be given whilst acknowledging that it is our own subjective perception, and also understanding the other person's reasons for saying or doing whatever it is they have said or done.
In practical terms, we should always begin the feedback with an "I-statement" and not a "you-statement". For example, "I have a concern about..." or "in my opinion..."
In other words, the other person should not be objectified by statements like "you are so incompetent" or "you are so selfish".
When we give feedback from our own perspective whilst acknowledging the other person's reasons or point of view, we are actually acknowledging their humanity and the worth of their reasoning. Thus, we reinforce their respect for what we have to say about the matter at hand.
Even if we said "I disagree with you", it is still better than saying "you are wrong", because the former acknowledges the other person's opinion whilst disagreeing with it, and the latter basically turns the other person into an object that is simply "wrong".
After we realise that there is an art to giving feedback, we must master it. And whilst we are mastering it, we must realise also that there is an art to receiving feedback. This, I will cover in my next blog.
posted by Malaysian X at 3:00 AM
1 Comments:
Whilst chatting over dinner yesterday, a good friend gave some simple but effective tips about making suggestions.
Instead our usual "shoulds" (as in "you should do this or you should think like this") it is more considerate and effective if we used "how about" (as in "how about looking at it this way or trying it like this?")
It's incredible how a couple of words can make a big difference, isn't it?
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